This journey of motherhood has taken me on a roller coaster ride of emotions where I have grown as a mother and evolved as a human.
Today, when I look back I realize that I could have been more patient, more loving and more accommodating of your mess and tantrums. I miss your messy fingers, your messy clothes your incessant blabbering and your never-ending WHYs! Yes, I scolded you, shouted at you when you used to spill your milk accidentally- please forgive me, my daughter. It was not your fault- I should have taken into consideration your nimble fingers. But please forgive your mom who felt overwhelmed sometimes, overworked and physically tired too. And all that dam of frustration and exhaustion sometimes tipped over you. Yes, I even hit you at times…and believe me I am so ashamed of that.
Today, I wish to tell you my side of the story in hope that you understand that your mom is not perfect, that your mom grew up together with you, that your mom loves you and that your mom today is apologizing to you for all those shouting and slapping, that you might not remember but they happened.
I was both happy and scared to hold you in my arms for the very first time- you were so tiny! I instantly fell in love with you. Your birth coincided with my birth as a mother. Everything in my life took a back seat with your advent- my career which was still an infant, my married life which was still in toddler years. And here I was holding you in my arms, with you thinking that I am your God! And I started getting into that role gradually.- your God, your mom, your caregiver.
I learnt this belatedly. And when I did, I started blooming together with my daughter- she into a happy child and I into a content mom. Perfection was nowhere near us…we stopped chasing that a long time back. Instead we found togetherness, a special bond and happiness.
Now, I have learnt to apologize to you if and when I lose my temper. I don’t want you to grow up learning that it is okay to scold or shout or that caring involves scolding. But I stay firm in the fact that yes- what you did was wrong and it should be corrected. The fact that I pointed it out was correct but the method of shouting it out to you or getting irritated on you is not correct.
Tomorrow when you grow up, please take these as examples, and never shy away from being firm and speaking your mind strongly. At the same time, understand that LOVE doesn’t involve shouting, humiliating, hitting or controlling.
My dear daughter, I have reared you from your childhood to your teenage years, and what you have given me in return is simply priceless- you have given me the strength and motive to improve myself, to evolve myself into a better person. You helped me in my personal journey of exploration and evolution.
Today, I understand, why God has designed the life that way it is…because with every new opportunity comes a bigger test and a new window of opportunity to evolve. Always wishing you the best in life.
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